PROBLEM:
The SMART goal for the course COM 340 during the Spring of 2023 was to improve the quality of the scripts for the final assignment.
The background is this is the second time that I tried this assignment in this course. I have only taught this course once, during the Fall of 2020. At that time, I have three students and only one submitted a script, therefore, the three students shoot and post-produced the same video. This situation generated a dynamic where two students didn’t engage with the final project as they considered that they didn’t want to work on somebody’s else idea.
This Spring of 2023 each student submitted an individual script with the goal of shooting all the scripts collaboratively, rotating the roles depending on the authorship of the script.
The description of the assignment was as follows
Write a script for a short film with one scene. Every scene should have at least three different shots. The story should contain at least one dialog between actors, SFX, ambient sound, and a film score.
Minimum length 1 minute.
Format: One single-column, Film Script.
Download the notes on scriptwriting for the students.
RUBRIC: 10 Points.
| Project/
4 points |
No/Limited Proficiency | Some Proficiency
1 |
Proficiency
1.5 |
High Proficiency
2 |
| Submission/
Formatting |
Plagiarism or no submission. | The final project was turned in but needs much more attention to presentation and labeling. The structure of the folder shows some mistakes. | There is evidence of time and effort, but much more could have been used to make it better. Some minor elements of the required format of the submission are missing. | There is evidence of ample time and effort put into the submission. The format and the content relate to the final project requirements. |
| Creativity | Plagiarism or no submission. | The final project shows no vision or understanding of how to communicate an idea using sound. | The final project shows vision or understanding of how to communicate an idea using sound. | The final project shows vision and understanding of how to communicate an idea using sound. |
| Project/
6 points |
No/Limited Proficiency | Some Proficiency
3 |
Proficiency
4 |
High Proficiency
6 |
| Execution | Plagiarism or no submission | The project cannot be run or most of the elements are missing. | It shows professional quality in the conceptual or technical aspects of the project. | It shows professional quality in the conceptual and technical aspects of the project. |
The process involved presenting the first version of the script to the class and rewriting it before generating the storyboard.
SOLUTION:
Shooting each script required that all the students helped each other for the sake of learning or because they know they will need help in the future when shooting their projects.
Below you will find the submissions of the seven students, with the original script on the left and the final version on the right.
Who I Once Was
By
COlton WIlson
Barton College Mass Communications
306 Whitehead Ave, Wilson, NC, 27893
443-903-1572
cwilson1@bulldogs.barton.edu
FADE IN:
int. Church — day
MUSIC- operatic church choir
camera pan in toward a man in the pew
James Whitlock, male, early 20’s, dressed in a navy-blue suit. He sits in the 5th row of church pews. He stares toward the front the church, blank look rest in his face, almost a thousand-yard stare. In the center of the church, multicolored flowers are placed in the middle of the stage. A man, late 20’s, dressed in a grey suit. He wears a gold ring on his left hand. The man walks towards James, sitting down in the pew behind him.
S.F.X- footsteps
HEnry Whitlock
I tried calling you. (Sighs) But as usual you never answer. (Pause) I’m sorry about Alice. You should have called me when it happened.
CUT: James holding a photo of a female, early 20’s, in a spring dress. On the bottom of the photo it writes “ALICE”
James Whitlock
Have you had someone else’s blood on your hands before?
Henry Whitlock
(Sighs)(Slightly Annoyed) No I haven’t.
James Whitlock
It feels different from your own. It’s a lot thicker.
Henry Whitlock
Look, James (Places hand on James’ shoulder) there isn’t anything you could have done to stop them from killing her.
James shrugs off Henry’s hand.
James Whitlock
Henry, they told me it would be a mistake to leave the brotherhood. And yet I did it anyway. All because I wanted to live a life with Alice.
Hernry Whitlock
It wouldn’t have just been better if you just stayed. We’re a family; (whisper) I did everything I could to stop them.
James turns around, facing Henry, snapping at him.
JAmes Whitlock
(Angry) We stopped being family when you chose to stay instead of leaving with me. (Composes himself) I needed you that day and you abandoned me. All because you’re afraid of what the brotherhood can do.
Henry Whitlock
13 years we have been in that brotherhood. They have provided so much for us. It’s not that easy to just walk away.
James Whitlock
It is easy when it comes to your family. I am your brother Henry and you abandoned me.
Henry Whitlock
(Furious) I never abandoned you! You abandoned us. You left the brotherhood. You know what they did to me when you left? They tortured me to find out every single piece of information about you. And what did I do? Nothing!
JAmes Whitlock
It’s always about you. What you had to sacrifice, what you gave up, what beating you took. I was beat all my life there because I couldn’t live up to your reputation.
James stands up from the pew, walks to the side of Henry.
I am going to end the brotherhood, to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else. Starting with Abraham.
James starts to walk out towards the back of the church. A regretful look appears in Henry’s face.
Henry Whitlock
James.
Henry stands and grabs James’ arm before he can walk away.
James Whitlock
Get your fucking hand off me.
James pulls his arm away from Henry. James stares back at Henry.
Henry Whitlock
This won’t bring her back. You know that. Please don’t do this. You can never get to Abraham you’ll be killed before you see him. I can’t lose another brother.
James pulls his arm away from Henry still looking away.
JAmes Whitlock
I’m not your brother. Maybe once, but not anymore. (Pause) Goodbye, Henry.
James hands a note from his jacket to Henry. James walks away towards the back of the church.
CUT: Focus on the Note
Henry opens the note which reads, “YOU’RE NEXT”, Henry’s face goes from a curious look to horrified. He turns to look at James walk away knowing his fate will come soon.
EXT. Parking Lot. Day.
James outside walks towards a car, he unlocks it. Before getting into the car, he stops and turns around. Looking back to see Alice standing in the middle of the parking lot. She is wearing the same dress that was in the photo. He stares at her, taking his glasses off. He smiles a little which is the first time we see him happy. His face then quickly turns into anger. He puts back on his glasses, opens the door, and gets in. He starts the engine and drives off.
MUSIC: ARE YOU GONNA COME MY WAY- LENNY KRAVITZ
FADE OUT
THE END
Who I Once Was
By
COlton WIlson
Barton College Mass Communications
306 Whitehead Ave, Wilson, NC, 27893
443-903-1572
cwilson1@bulldogs.barton.edu
FADE IN:
int. Church — day
MUSIC- operatic church choir
camera pan in toward a man in the pew
James Whitlock, male, early 20’s, dressed in a navy-blue suit. He sits in the 5th row of church pews. He stares toward the front the church, blank look rest in his face, almost a thousand-yard stare. In the center of the church, multicolored flowers are placed in the middle of the stage. A man, late 20’s, dressed in a grey suit. He wears a gold ring on his left hand. The man walks towards James, sitting down in the pew behind him.
S.F.X- footsteps
HEnry Whitlock
I tried calling you. (Sighs) But as usual you never answer. (Pause) I’m sorry about Alice. You should have called me when it happened.
James Whitlock
Have you had someone else’s blood on your hands before?
Henry Whitlock
(Sighs)(Slightly Annoyed) No I haven’t.
James Whitlock
It feels different from your own. It’s a lot thicker.
Henry Whitlock
Look, James (Places hand on James’ shoulder) there isn’t anything you could have done to stop them from killing her.
James shrugs off Henry’s hand.
James Whitlock
Henry, they told me it would be a mistake to leave the brotherhood. And yet I did it anyway. All because I wanted to live a life with Alice.
Hernry Whitlock
It would’ve been better if you just stayed. We’re a family; (whisper) I did everything I could to stop them.
James turns around, facing Henry, snapping at him.
JAmes Whitlock
(Angry) We stopped being family when you chose to stay instead of leaving with me. (Composes himself) I needed you that day and you abandoned me. All because you’re afraid of what the brotherhood.
Henry Whitlock
13 years we have been in that brotherhood. They have provided so much for us. It’s not that easy to just walk away.
James Whitlock
It is easy when it comes to your family. I am your brother Henry and you abandoned me.
Henry Whitlock
(Furious) I never abandoned you! You abandoned us. You left the brotherhood. You know what they did to me when you left? They tortured me to find out every single piece of information about you. And what did I do? Nothing!
JAmes Whitlock
It’s always about you. What you had to sacrifice, what you gave up, what beating you took. I was beat all my life there because I couldn’t live up to your reputation.
James stands up from the pew, walks to the side of Henry.
I am going to end the brotherhood, to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else. Starting with Abraham.
James starts to walk out towards the back of the church. A regretful look appears in Henry’s face.
Henry Whitlock
James.
Henry stands and grabs James’ arm before he can walk away.
James Whitlock
Get your fucking hand off me.
James pulls his arm away from Henry. James stares back at Henry.
Henry Whitlock
This won’t bring her back. You know that. Please don’t do this. You can never get to Abraham you’ll be killed before you see him. I can’t lose another brother.
James pulls his arm away from Henry still looking away.
JAmes Whitlock
I’m not your brother. Maybe once, but not anymore. (Pause) Goodbye, Henry.
James hands a note from his jacket to Henry. James walks away towards the back of the church. James stops before walking out of the church. He peers back at Henry looking at the note.
CUT: Focus on the Note
Henry opens the note which reads, “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID”, Henry’s face goes from a curious look to horrified. James walks back at a fast pace towards Henry. James slowly pulls a pistol out of his suit jacket. James puts the gun to his side; he questions for a second whether he should kill his brother. James then comes back to his senses and lifts the gun up to Henry’s head. Henry looks forward with terror in his face.
Cut To: Black screen with a sound of a gunshot.
Music: Nocturnal Me- Echo & The Bunnyman
FADE OUT.
THE END
INT. BARTON GYM
In the Barton Gym there is just an open space in the gym with nothing in front of the camera.then Dorez walks in front of the camera.
DOREZ:
If you’re watching this video then you probably want to know what I do? So what do I do?
EXT. Park Area
Mike is outside sitting on the bench already in front of the camera.
MIKE:
Do you do videography?
INT. Barton Gym
DOREZ:
Of course I do?
*B Roll of videography clips start playing*
EXT. Football Field
JAWAN:
What about photography?
DOREZ:
Check it out.
*B roll of photos*
INT. Studio
DOREZ:
You’re probably wondering about audio. Hit it chris.
*Chris one part of a song then he camera swings back to me in the studio showing I hit the spacebar for chris part to play back as i sit in front of the camera *
DOREZ:
You know! Thanks Chris.
INT. COMPUTER ROOM
AYANNA:
What about editing?
DOREZ:
I sure can.
*it switches to a video of me on the projector that is edited on to the screen*
DOREZ:
I edited this whole video.
Int – computer lab- day
In the computer lab there is dorez a black male which stands up at the podium he has a causal outfit on faced towards the other to people in the room which is Luke and Colton they both sit on the left side of the class across from each other and they as they seem to be having a conversation of their own.
Dorez:
You probably wonder why I have brought you guys here.
Luke:
I am pretty confused on why we are here.
Colton:
Yeah because we really dont talk at all to you.
*cut scene to just luke himself*
Luke:
I’m really confused on why Dorez has called us here. He has me and Colton in a classroom with best friends written on the board. We only talked to dorez once and that was when i asked him has he had seen shrek… and he replies yes on his black berry.
*back to the computer lab*
Dorez:
So I see us guys as close buds and I wanted to ask what’s the plan this weekend?
Luke:
Well me and Colton were going to watch a movie at my house
Colton:
Yeah just us to watching some netflix
Dorez:
So Netflix and Chill
Luke:
Why do you have to say it like that.
Dorez:
That’s how it came off.
Colton:
BUT ITS NOT LIKE THAT.
*CUTS TO Dorez by himself*
Dorez:
Hey if two guys want to netflix and chill that’s on them i wont judge.
*computer lab*
Dorez:
How about we all get together and listen to some music!
Colton:
Aye luke how about that Bones Thug new LP man
Luke:
Ah colton i seen what you did there
Dorez:
Yeah that’s that line from that movie um um straight out of concord
Colton:
Are you fucking serious
*Colton walks out*
Luke:
If there was a chance for us to hang out this week that opportunity is gone. Enjoy your blackberry this week loser.
*Cuts to colton by himself*
Colton:
How do you not know a Straight Out of Compton line when you hear one. Hes at least have to know the rappers.
*Cuts to Dorez
Dorez:
Of course ice tray and Dr J or is it Dre… wait is that the guy who made beats by Dre
END
Anxiety – Short Film
Person A & B names TBD
Fade in
INT. Hackney Library Study Room: Daylight
Two friends, college aged, finishing up a study session. Person B is experiencing noticeable anxiety. Their friend, Person A takes notice.
Opening shot of Person B shaking leg
Shot of person A packing stuff
Person A packing up stuff from study session
Person A:
“Are you okay? Unusually quiet today.”
Person B: o.s.
“Uh yeah you know.. Long day that’s all”
Person B should continue exhibiting signs of anxiety.
Shots of him or her tapping pants, fiddling a lot – this shot takes place as person B talks
Close up shot of person A noticing
Person A takes notice – looks concerned
Person A:
“I won’t push further — I get it. I go to the lake a lot to help with my own nerves. Not sure what helps you, but check it out when you get a chance.”
Shot should be behind person B
Person B:
“ I really appreciate that(Person A’s Name).”
Person B has a tucked-in smile
Person A:
“Yeah of course, anytime”
Person A exits
Person B cleans up and exits short time after
Shot of Person B opening door to leave study room
Shots of him/her walking back to room, still fiddling a lot
Person B walks in room, looks at car keys
Shot should be of car keys then back at person B contemplating
Person B grabs keys and leaves
Music fades in: September by Sparky Deathcap *instrumental*
Shot closing dorm room door
shot closing car door should follow
Sfx of car starting up and driving off
EXT. Location: Lake
Cut to walking to bench
Person B sits down, fiddling a little still then slowly stop
Person B should have noticeably tense shoulders – take a deep breath and let
shoulders rest
Person A should enter scene and sit next to Person B
Person A & B exchange head nods – smile
Shot infront of Person A and B
Person A & B should be noticeably relaxing
Ending shot should be behind person a and b
Fade Out
Anxiety – Short Film
Fade in
EXT. Lake Wilson – Daylight: Lightly populated trail, with people coming and going. Jamie and Percy take a seat on the bench and talk about Percy’s anxiety after their study session.
Two friends, Percy, a 5’5 19-year-old Caucasian male from CA, with a flannel on & Jamie, a 5’9 20-year-old African American female from VA, with a black hoodie. They are finishing up a study session and have gone to the lake to chat. Percy is experiencing noticeable anxiety. His friend, Jamie, takes notice and attempts to get him talking.
Opening shot of Percy and Jamie walking to sit on a bench.
Foley: footsteps
JAMIE:
“Are you okay? Unusually quiet today. You’re normally talking someone’s head off, or at the very least complaining about something.
Cut to Percy
PERCY:
“Do you think all I do is complain??? (huffs).. whatever, you know.. it’s been a long day. I’m fine.”
Cut to Percy shaking legs, fiddling a lot
Cut to Jamie noticing Percy’s behavior as she stops packing her stuff
JAMIE:
“Look, I’m sorry. I was just joking with you. Let’s talk, that’s why I brought you here.”
Cut to Percy
PERCY:
“I’m good.. See..”
Percy smiles but quickly drops his smile
Cut to Jamie sitting down
JAMIE:
“Right….. I’ve known you for like what? 3 years now. I know you well enough to know you’re not okay right now, so talk. ”
Percy:
“Like I said Jamie, I’m good. And If you’ve known me for so long, you should know pushing it out of me is the worst thing.”
Cut to Percy rolling his eyes
Cut back to Jamie
Jamie:
“And you should know I’m going to push you, because you can’t bottle everything Percy. Where does that get you?? Nowhere.”
Cut to Percy with his hands covering his face
Jamie: o.s
“So as I was saying, let’s talk. I’m listening”
Percy:
“Bro.. (exhale)… It’s just a lot. Every single day. My brain can’t stop freaking out over small things for 5 seconds, let alone to even let me sleep. So of course, I’m tired but I’m still expected to put in effort for my team, as well as my classes. Same for maintaining relationships.
Percy:
“God..(sigh) and just those classes, they take the most out of me. It’s ridiculous to be expected to excel every single day when 6 classes are asking so much of me daily.”
Percy:
“This is my first time feeling like I can breathe.”
Cut to close-up shot of Percy burying his face in Jamie’s shoulder
Jamie:
“I know you hate when people give advice vs simply listening but…”
Cut to Percy interrupting Jamie
Percy:
“I think I can let that hate slide for a second right now.”
Jamie:
“Well, we both know these things don’t just stop. You learn to cope. You find healthy habits that ease your mind. Like Journaling or .. ”
Camera pan to the landscape of the lake with a lush view of the trees during springtime.
Close up shot of percy and jamie taking it in
Music fade in: September by Sparky Deathcap *instrumental*
Jamie:
“This. I come here a lot. My anxiety is so bad too. And it’s so easy to give in to unhealthy habits to help myself better cope.
Percy:
“Yeah.. definitely. I mean this is nice though..”
Jamie:
“How long do you have till your next class”
Percy:
(Sigh) “i hate to think about it, but i have an hour”
Jamie:
“Still a good amount of time to relax. Take it all in before we return back to reality”
Percy:
“yeah… that, reality.”
Percy and Jamie then exit the lake after some time
SFX: keys jingling , foot steps
Fade Out
We’re Just Talking
By Luke Eason
FADE IN:
INT. A LIVED IN AND SLIGHTLY MESSY HOUSE – NIGHT.
Within a dark house we see a long hallway, barely illuminated.
CUT TO: A shot of Nathan in a dark room, his hands covered in blood. This shot lasts a second.
CUT TO: The long hallway, barley illuminated.
Sounds of a car pulling into the driveway, followed by two car doors shutting. The front door sits to the right. An intense argument between BRADLEY and NATHAN is muffled, but discernable, from the outside.
S.F.X. Car pulling into driveway, engine cut off, footsteps.
BRADLEY
I can’t fucking believe you. It shouldn’t matter at ALL, the main point is that you know how I feel about that piece of shit and you STILL flirted with him.
NATHAN
Making polite conversation is NOT flirting. You have to get over the fact that I’m going to talk to people that aren’t you.
BRADLEY opens the front door and the enters, making a point not to hold it for NATHAN. They enter and stand in the hallway.
S.F.X. Keys jingling, door unlocked, door open.
CUT TO: Another flash of a bloody Nathan.
CUT TO: Bradley and Nathan standing in the hallway.
BRADLEY
But you could talk to literally ANYONE ELSE! Anyone else and I would be just fine!
NATHAN
No you wouldn’t. This isn’t the first time you’ve had an issue you like that. You’re too fucking insecure to admit it.
BRADLEY puts his finger in NATHAN’s face.
BRADLEY
Don’t you dare start that shit with me.
BRADLEY begins walking down the hallway and NATHAN follows, lagging.
S.F.X. Footsteps
NATHAN
Start what? Talking? You don’t want to actually deal with the problem and talk it out? What? You just wanna feel like shit?
They stop at the door at the end of the hallway and stand, arguing.
BRADLEY
Yeah, I don’t wanna talk because you’re not willing to meet me in reality to do it.
NATHAN
It’s not reality. It’s your version of reality. It’s not objective.
BRADLEY
You fucking kidding me? You make swoony “fuck me” eyes at Carson, don’t own up to it, and then you want to criticize my perception? Seriously, fuck you.
NATHAN
Brad, stop. Please just lower your voice. We’re just talking. There’s no need for that.
They both enter the room down the hallway. The door shuts.
SLOW FORWARD PAN
BRADLEY and NATHAN continue to argue unintelligibly. The sounds behind the muffled door are indiscernible, but loud. They shouted over each other, finally resulting in a scuffle.
S.F.X. Objects falling on the ground, glass breaking.
CUT TO: NATHAN in a dark room, holding his hands up, he’s bloody. There’s blood all over his hands. He’s crying and breathing hard.
CUT TO: Blackness
NATHAN is heard screaming a horrible and distraught scream. It echoes into nothingness.
THE END
We’re Just Talking
By Luke Eason
FADE IN:
int. A Lived in and slightly MESSY HOUSE – NIGHT
STILL SHOT OF A LONG DARK HALLWAY, BARLEY ILLUMINATED
The house is slightly messy. The design of the house is modern. The hallway is full of picture frames and other decorations on the walls. The front door sits to the right of the shot. A muffled but intelligible argument between BRADLEY and NATHAN, a gay couple, can be heard from outside.
S.F.X. Car pulling into driveway, engine cut off, two car doors opening and shutting at slightly different times, footsteps.
Bradley
I can’t fucking believe you. It shouldn’t matter at all, the main point is that you know how I feel about that piece of shit and you still flirted with him.
NATHAN
Making polite conversation is NOT flirting. You have to get over the fact that I’m going to talk to people that aren’t you.
BRADLEY opens the front door and enters, making a point not to hold it for NATHAN. They enter and stand in the hallway.
S.F.X. Keys jingling, door unlocked, door opening.
cut to: a 2 second close up shot of nathan in a dark room, holding his bloody hands up
cut to: the same establishing hallway shot as before
bradley
But you could talk to literally anyone else! Anyone else and I would be perfectly fine!
Nathan
No, you wouldn’t. This isn’t the first time you’ve had an issue like this. You’re too fucking insecure to admit it.
BRADLEY puts his finger in NATHAN’s face.
BRADLEY
Don’t you dare start that shit with me.
BRADLEY turns the hallway light on and begins walking down the hallway to the door at the end of it. NATHAN begins walking right after BRADLEY but lags behind him.
NATHAN
Start what? Talking? You don’t actually want to deal with the problem and talk it out? What? Do you want to feel like shit?
They both stop at the end of the hallway in front of a door, arguing.
BRADLEY
I don’t wanna talk because you’re not willing to meet me in reality to do it.
NATHAN
It’s not reality. It’s your version of reality. It’s not objective.
BRADLEY
You fucking kidding me? You make swoony “fuck me” eyes at Carson, don’t own up to it, then you want to criticize my perception? Seriously, fuck you.
NATHAN
Brad, stop. Please, just lower your voice. (Pause) We’re just talking. There’s no need for that.
They both enter the room down the hallway. BRADELY first, then NATHAN. The door shuts.
S.F.X. Door opening, door shutting, footsteps.
SLOW FORWARD PAN DOWN THE HALLWAY
BRADLEY and NATHAN continue to argue unintelligibly. A high-pitched ring can be heard as we get closer to the door. The sounds behind the muffled door are indiscernible, but loud. They shout at each other.
S.F.X. High pitched ring (continuous), muffled indiscernible arguing.
STOP SLOW FORWARD PAN ONCE IT IS ADJASCENT TO THE DOOR AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY
CUT TO: THE SAME TWO SECOND LONG CLOSE UP OF A BLOODY NATHAN IN A DARK ROOM.
Finally, their fighting results in a scuffle.
S.F.X. Objects falling on the ground, glass breaking, objects being moved and dropped, bumps on walls.
The ring stops. After the scuffle is over, there is a long silence. NATHAN opens the door and steps out back into the hallway. He faces and looks at the camera. After a few seconds, he holds up his bloody hands. He is crying and breathing hard.
S.F.X. Door opening, footsteps.
CUT TO: Blackness
NATHAN is heard screaming a horrible and distraught scream. It echoes into nothingness.
S.F.X. Scream of NATHAN, echo.
THE END
The Test
FADE IN:
- INT. bathroom– Afternoon
A 21-year-old college student named Kyla decides to take a pregnancy test because she is a week late for her period. She takes this test in the company of her best friend/ roommate Raylen who is also 21 years old. They both attend the same college and stay in the same apartment.
INSERT: Kyla staring at the pregnancy test (OTS)
INSERT: close up on test
INSERT: HEARTBEAT SFX (side shot)
Raylen
Girl just take the test. It could be negative for all you know.
Kyla
Let’s be realistic Ray, there is no way it is going to be negative!! I am a week late for my period.
RAYLEN
Well, if you don’t take the test and wait for your period, you are going to be shit out of luck. You can’t even get an abortion if you wanted to.
Kyla
I’m scared!! What if it does say positive, what am I going to do? I know for a fact the babies dad doesn’t want a child.. it was a one night stand anyways. Not to mention I am still in college!
RAYLEN
What do you mean what are you going to do? You are going to the clinic ASAP, right?
Kyla
I don’t know Ray, if I get an abortion at a young age that can mess up my chances of getting pregnant in the future.
RAYLEN
Uhmmm you won’t have a future if your mom finds out you are pregnant honey. Plus you are so young, it will be hard to finish school.
Kyla
I know Ray, I know.
CUT TO:
- INT. Living room– Afternoon
Kyla
Okay, I am going to take the test but can you hold my hand while we wait for the results just in case?
Raylen
Of course, you know I got you. And remember, I am going to be here no matter what. Even if that means I will become a godmother. (Pause) Let’s play some music to lighten the mood while we wait.
Kyla
Okay, that sounds like a good idea.
INSERT: Play female energy by willow smith as background music
CUT TO:
- INT. bathroom– Afternoon
INSERT: flushing of the toilet
Kyla
And now, we wait.
INSERT: a visual of time going by on a clock (SFX OF A CLOCK)
Raylen
Are you ready to look?
Kyla
Kinda don’t have a choice (PAUSE) WAIT .. can you just tell me the results? I don’t want to look.
Raylen
Of course I will.
INSERT: Room silence
INSERT: Show Raylen looking at the test
Raylen
It says you’re…. (face expression is neutral / leave as a cliff hanger)
INSERT: FADE OUT
END SCENE
The Test
FADE IN:
- INT. bathroom– Afternoon
An 18-year-old named Kyla decides to take a pregnancy test because she is a week late for her period. She takes this test in the company of her best friend Raylen who is also 18 years old. Kyla and Raylen are both females.
INSERT: Kyla staring at the pregnancy test (OTS)
INSERT: close up on test
INSERT: HEARTBEAT SFX (side shot)
Raylen
Girl just take the damn test. It could be negative for all you know.
Kyla
Let’s be so foreal Ray, there is no way it is going to be negative!! I haven’t gotten my period in almost two weeks man.
RAYLEN
Well, if you don’t take the test and wait for your period to come which may be never, you are going to be shit out of luck. I couldn’t even take your ass to the clinic if you wanted to.
Kyla
I’m scared!! What if it does say positive, what am I going to do? The baby daddy is gonna be a deadbeat so imma have to be a single mother?! I think the fuck not.
NOTE:(Kyla is frantic and raises her voice)
RAYLEN
Bitch what do you mean what are you going to do? We killing it, right?
NOTE:(Raylen raises her voice)
Kyla
I don’t know Ray, if I get an abortion this young it’ll mess up my chances to have a mini-mee in the future.
NOTE:(Kyla is sad and nervous)
RAYLEN
Uhmmm you won’t have a future if your mom finds out you are pregnant honey. Plus you are mad young Kyla, it will be hard to finish school with a whole baby.
Kyla
I know Ray, I know.
CUT TO:
- INT. Living room– Afternoon
Kyla
Okay, I am going to take the test but can you please hold my hand while we wait?
Raylen
Ill hold your hand while I tell you the results but I am not holding your hand while you piss. We close but we aint that damn close.
NOTE:(Raylen says jokingly)
Kyla
HAHA so funny
NOTE:(Kyla is being sarcastic)
Raylen
Okay let me be serious, I am going to be here no matter what. Even if that means imma be a godmother. (Pause) How about we play some music to lighten the mood while we wait?
INSERT: Plays female energy by willow smith as background music
CUT TO:
- INT. bathroom– Afternoon
INSERT: flushing of the toilet
Kyla
And now, we wait.
INSERT: a visual of time going by on a clock (SFX OF A CLOCK)
Raylen
Are you ready to look?
Kyla
Kinda don’t have a choice (PAUSE) WAIT .. can you just tell me the results? I don’t want to look.
Raylen
Of course I will. Give me your hand.
INSERT: Kyla giving Raylen her hand
INSERT: Room silence
INSERT: Show Raylen looking at the test
Raylen
It says you’re…. um.. it says you’re pregnant Ray. I’m so sorry.
NOTE:(Raylens face is glum)
Kyla
Are you fucking with me or you’re serious?
NOTE:(Kyla is in complete shock)
Raylen
(Silence)
Kyla
RAYLEN are you serious?
NOTE:(Kyla raises her voice)
Raylen
Ahhhh! I got you bitch, you ain’t pregnant! Team fuck them, kids!
NOTE:(Raylen says jokingly)
Kyla
You get on my damn nerves. I love you man.
NOTE:(Kyla says relieved)
Raylen
I love you too.. now stop fucking raw!
NOTE:(Raylen says the last few words alittle louder)
Kyla
You ain’t gotta tell me twice.
INSERT: RAYLEN AND KYLA hugging each other
END SCENE
Mind games Dorm-mid day
Tom: See you later man. Cut to Jerry
Jerry: Yeah you to bro. Cut to Tom
Tom: you good bro? You look like something is wrong.
Same shot together
Jerry. Yeah man
Cuts to Jerry waking
Jerry is in his room doing homework and his suicidal thoughts comes in as he stresses over a assignment for his class, a pair of scissors (zoom into scissors on table) are next to him and he stares at it as part of him considers hurting himself with it, however he comes to his senses and realizes that is ridiculous
Voices (whispering): do it , just do it man get it over with , it will make everything better.
Cuts to Jerry
Jerry (in his head): No, it wont, it wont make anything better (puts scissors out of his sight in a drawer)
Jerry walks around the balcony enjoying the view and a random thought that gets louder telling him to jump interrupts
Cuts to Jerry
Jerry (in his head): ( camera focuses on him) I can’t, it’s not right, my family would be devastated.
Stays in jerry
Jerry walks down the sidewalk and is about to cross the street (camera focuses on him from behind), he looks both ways and has a thought telling him to just wait for a car to hit him. Life is too hard, he finally has enough of it and ignores it. However, ignoring it won’t get rid of the impulsive thoughts.
Cuts to Jerry walking
Later that day he is walking down the balcony again (camera focuses on him from behind) he has the impulse from behind and the voices come again saying to jump, (the camera cuts to his face) he finally thinks about doing it but then he sees his jesus tattoo sticking out of his sleeve
(wearing a jacket or sweatshirt) he smiles and says to himself “He is worth it” and walks away.
Jerry walks into class
Cuts to Tom
Tom: everything alright man?
Cuts to Jerry
Jerry: it is now
Camera zooms out of him walking from behind-cut to black
Mind games
Hallway outside of hackney third floor dorms
Paul: See you later man. Hey, do you want to meet and study for the test next week?
Cut to Jerry
Jerry: Nah I have a lot of work , sorry.
Cut to Paul
Paul: You good bro? You look like something is wrong.
Same shot together
Jerry. Yeah man, (hesitant pause) I’m a good man. I just had a long day, that’s all.
Paul: Are you sure, because you haven’t been the same, zoning out in class, you seem less motivated than usual, usually you’re ready to get stuff done but now you just seem like you’re drifting in class not to mention when we hangout. You also spend a lot of time in your room to
Paul: Ok man I was just, I’m worried about you and I was just wondering, you should try that therapist I was talking about earlier today.
Jerry: I’m good man, therapy would just be too expensive and time consuming I’m way to busy
Paul: there’s tons of ways to get therapy plus they can set up a plan or something if you worry about money and time.
Jerry: nah man just don’t worry about it
Paul: ok man I was just curious, see you tomorrow man.
Cuts to Paul walking away
Show jerry going into his dorm
Jerry is in his room doing homework at his desk and his suicidal thoughts comes in as he stresses over a assignment for his class, a pair of scissors (zoom into scissors on table) are next to him and he stares at it as part of him considers hurting himself with it, however he comes to his senses and realizes that is ridiculous
Cuts to Jerry
Jerry (calling Paul): hey man can you come to my room? Yeah I’m good just need to talk to
Cut to Paul walking up to Jerry
Jerry and Paul talk
Cut to Jerry getting tattoo
Happy Place
By
Christian Pounds
Fade in:
EXT. A small kitchen in a cozy apartment – Daytime
We see a young couple, JEN and MARK, dancing together in their kitchen. Their favorite song is playing in the background. Jen is chopping vegetables while Mark is stirring a pot on the stove. They move in sync to the music and share a playful moment.
(Camera Pan to Close Face Shot)
MARK
(Walks up behind JEN smiling)
I love you.
JEN
(Also smiling while leaning over her right shoulder)
I love you more.
Mark then kisses her on the cheek.
CUT TO:
INT. The same small kitchen – Daytime (50 years later) We see an older MARK, now alone in the kitchen. The same song is playing, but he’s moving slowly and with a bit of hesitation. He’s making the same meal that he and Jen used to cook together, but now he’s doing it alone. While MARK is cooking Jen is leaning on his shoulders with a look of despair
MARK
(Sighing)
I miss you, Jen.
He wipes away a tear and tries to regain his composure. He takes a deep breath, then continues cooking while the image of JEN slowly fades into a spirit like image of her.
CUT TO:
INT. The small kitchen – Nighttime (50 years later)
The meal is ready. Mark sets the table for one, then goes to the record player and starts the same song again. He takes a deep breath, then starts to dance alone.
MARK
(Speaking softly to himself)
Just like old times.
We see him twirl and move to the music, lost in his memories of Jen with tears slowly falling down his face.
FADE OUT.
THE END.
Happy Place
By
Christian Pounds
Fade in:
EXT. A small kitchen in apartment – Daytime
Music Fade In ( If This World Were Mine by Luther Vandros)
Zoom Out from the door as Mark and Jen enter ( Laughing and Smiling)
Mark
Aye Alexa play our song !
(Playful singing)
If this world were mine, I would lay at your feet all that I want you been so good to me.
Jen
(Playfully)
Boy shut yo ass up(Laughingly)
And come help me with this food.
Mark
Aight i’m coming i’m coming
(Camera Pan to Close Face Shot)
(Mark walks up slowly behind Jen)
What I can’t have no fun
Jen
(Also smiling while leaning over her right shoulder)
Yes you can have some fun… but not right now.
Mark
Aight Aight imma let you do ya thang
MARK
I love you though.
JEN
I love you to now stop playing and go do something.
(Camera Pan to Close Face Shot)
CUT TO:
INT.Living Room( Dirty) – Evening(2 weeks later)
Room Noise
Mark
Camera pan to wide shot of MARK sitting down on couch
Slow zoom
Mark is now sitting alone on the couch with a bottle of liquor
Mark
Alexa Play Our favorite song
Mark then continues to drink more as he continues to sing the favorite song and drinking and then begins to mock him and JENS “I love you “ exchange from scene one.
Mark
You don’t love me, In fact, you never did love me.
Mark falls back down into couch and takes a sip.
Camera pan to overhead view of table and coke and bottle.
Mark then looks down coke and continues to do a line.
Camera Fades to black
Mark’s phone goes off and it’s a text from Jen (Happy Place)
( I miss you )
THE END.
CONCLUSION:
Some students rewrote parts of their stories with only one generating a completely new script. From a technical point of view, the scripts miss some crucial information to move forward with the production process. The less seasoned students relied on the seniors for the technical roles while the seniors helped each other in a kind of quid pro quo.
COM 340 is a course focussed on Audio for Film and Video. For that reason, we review the dialogs to make them more realistic. Despite that, I think that writing dialogs is a good topic for a future module in this course. Now that I achieved to involve all the students in the production of all the video projects, I will work in future iterations of this course on how to optimize the writing of all the parts of the script that carry a sound component.