A thesis book: I would rather not feel this way.

Pain and suffering are banned terms from our daily life, however all of us have experienced them. The death of a relative, a breakup or an illness-life is full of moments when the things we want to happen do not go as we want. All those episodes include two steps: pain and suffering. The difference lies in their origin; pain is what others do to us, while suffering is what we do to ourselves. Most of the time we cannot distinguish when one finishes and the other starts.

Pain and suffering share the same nature. Both are reactions to a body sensation. It’s a seed that some external element plants in our body, and we choose between releasing it or keeping it with us. Our organism is continuously generating body sensations. Most of the time we are not aware of them but occasionally we perceive them and are able to take control of them. Even in that case, they behave according to their own logic.

The goal of my work is to listen to the body. My pieces pursue communication with the audience through the physical. I use my archive of sensations to provide the audience with their own sensations. Once visitors start experiencing them, they become aware of their bodies. Here is where my task is finished. As visitors cannot leave behind their bodies when they visit one of my pieces, I hope that they will remember what their physique has to tell them.

This written thesis is comprised of three primary parts: a chapter on suffering in life, from both an Eastern and Western perspective; a chapter on suffering in art, offering a survey of several artists for whom suffering has been a primary subject or reality and influenced by Western or Eastern philosophy depending of the case; and a chapter that records my work made at RISD, describing suffering in my own work. The book features illustrations by Filip Olszewski and Keunae Song -drawings of me showing each sensation that inspires each piece- and autobiographical notes designed by Eider Suso. My hope is that this book will serve as a tool to understand the important role of the body in our reactions to the challenges life gives us everyday.